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Fire Strike
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PostSubject: No Cut For You   Mon Jun 29, 2009 2:37 pm

I think some of us may remember a quick discussion a while back about how Zangoose can't learn Cut. No? Well then....

Anyway, I wrote a kind of parody of it. IF anyone would be gracious enough to review, I would love you forever =O

Except you, DD. =P

So.......here it is.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

“Um…there’s a small tree blocking the path.”

“So go around it.”

“Er, it’s one of those trees, sir.” A growl sounded from behind the speaker.

“One of those?! Dear Lord Arceus…” A crimson ear twitched, the motion shortly followed by a similar twitch of a furry white tail. Slanted rose-colored eyes narrowed into a glare, and the muzzle formed into a snarl. Baring its sharp teeth, the Zangoose began pacing back and forth in frustration. “Why now? Why now, when we were so close?!”

“Zaon, sir,” another voice sounded meekly from the pack of about ten cat-ferret Pokemon, “what exactly are we close t-“

“Never-mind that!” Zaon interrupted. “The issue at hand is how we are to proceed past this dangerous obstacle.”

“D-dangerous?” a younger, feminine voice prodded. The head Zangoose stopped his pacing and turned to the young Pokemon, his anger somewhat receding at seeing her innocently curious expression.

“Yes, Oan, dangerous!” Zaon threw his crimson-tipped paws into the air. “Those trees, those evil, possessed demon trees, are not what they appear to be! They seem to be so quiet, so tranquil and innocent, when they are, in actuality, deranged masterminds determined to hinder our progress in life! They taunt us with their thin trunks and branches while standing in the most inconvenient of places. They cannot be squeezed through, however, even for us cat-like Pokemon. And what’s more, they never go away completely! Even when you do manage to cut them down, you look back and they are there again! But therein lies the problem!” The entirety of the pack leaned towards him, their eyes glimmering in curiosity, excitement, and fear.

“We, as Zangoose, are unable to cut down these trees. And why is this? It is for the simple reason that we cannot learn the Cut technique!”

Angry uproars sounded.

“With these claws? Preposterous!”

“That’s impossible!"

“Unbelievable!”

“Liek no wai!”

Closing his eyes and crossing his arms, Zaon huffed. “Unfortunately, it is so. Even we, with claws as sharp as an Alakazam’s mind, cannot rid ourselves of this problem. However!" Many of the Zangoose jumped slightly from his sudden change in tone. “Cast your eyes over in the direction of the sun. Do you see how the Farfetch’d mock us by cutting down the grass and other small trees with their leeks? They cannot possibly be sharper than our claws!”

A few moments passed in silence. “As grateful as I am to Lord Arceus for creating us, why were we not given this ability? A Dodrio can fly, can it not? Even without wings? A Rhydon may Surf, even though it should more likely sink.” In an undertone he added, “Not to mention that they can utilize the Cut technique, as well as Cyndaquil, Aipom, all evolutions of Eevee, among others!”

Zaon paused to catch his breath.

“But further proof of why this is unexplainable is in the techniques that we are able to learn. Correct me if I’m wrong, but we are able to use Scratch and Fury Cutter, are we not?”

Scanning the pack, he saw that a few heads nodded.

“Slash? Crush Claw?” More nods.

“False Swipe? X-Scissor? Shadow Claw? Fury Swipes? Night Slash?” Everyone nodded. “So I’m not the only one who sees a problem with this?”

“No, sir.”

“Definite problem.”

“Exactly.” Zaon’s nose twitched sharply as a new scent entered the area. “Oan, get away from those bushes!” he hissed. The young female whipped her head away from the plants she had been inspecting and jumped back as a male human came into view a few meters away. He didn’t seem to notice the Zangoose, and instead continued on his way through the clearing, whistling something to himself.

He did notice, however, when a rather large Zangoose attached itself to his leg. Startled, he fell over and landed on his rear, his arms supporting him from lying completely flat on the ground. Zaon detached himself from the human’s leg and stood menacingly over him. “Human! You are one of those ‘Trainers’, are you not? Surely you have the device that allows Pokemon to learn the move Cut! Hand it over, now!” he growled.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“Zang! Zang-zangoose! Za! Goose-zan, Zangoose!” Growl. “Zan-zangoose!”

Of course, as a human, the Trainer couldn’t understand a word of what the cat-ferret was saying….er, ordering, it seemed.

“Erm…do you want some Poffin?”

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“Did you even hear a word I said, you stupid Spearow-brained excuse for a human?! I asked for no Poffin. I know you have Cut, I know you do. Now where is it?” When the Trainer continued to wear his confused-to-no-end expression, the Zangoose that had pointed out the tree in the first place walked over to the two and began rummaging through the human’s backpack. The Trainer didn’t bother to shoo him away, as he had almost ninety pounds of snarling teeth and sharp claws sitting on top of him. Zaon looked up, a scowl present on his face, and asked, “Ozo, what are you doi-“

“I found it, sir!” Ozo answered quickly, holding up a silvery-white disc. Shoving the bag aside, he showed the disc to Zaon. “See? It’s the Cut…’ayche em’, I think it’s called. Now we can see if we really can’t learn Cut!”

Zaon swiped the disk out of Ozo’s claws. Holding it in front of the Trainer’s face, he pointed to the disk, then to himself, then to the rest of the pack. The Trainer’s expression showed that he finally understood, and Zaon stood beside him as he pushed himself up off the ground and dusted himself off. Taking the disk from Zaon, he pulled out a red, rectangular machine and flipped it open towards the Zangoose. He placed the disk on Zaon’s head.

Zangoose and Cut are not compatible,” the red machine responded, and the Trainer grew confused once more.

“Try again!” Zaon barked, and the Trainer guessed correctly at its meaning (Since it came out as Zangoose-babble to him). He placed the disk on the Pokemon’s head a second time.

“Zangoose and Cut are not compatible.” He tried again.

Zangoose and Cut are not compatible.” Again.

Zangoose and Cut are not compatible.” One more time.

Zangoose and Cut are still not compatible, you buffoon.” Well that was new.

With a sigh, he put the disk back into his bag. “Sorry, Zangoose, but for some untold reason, you can’t learn Cut. I can’t see why you’d want to learn it, but…Anyway, you can’t.” The Trainer hurriedly walked off through a dense cluster of trees, eager to get away from the pack.

Zaon stood silently for a few moments, then calmly folded him arms and nodded. “And it is true. We may not learn Cut.” Many of the Zangoose promptly fell over.

“Insanity!”

“Madness!”

“Madness? THI-“ The currently-speaking Zangoose received a smack to the head.

“Don’t even go there.”

“Sorry.”

Looking over to his pack, Zaon sighed once again. He sat down, supporting his head with one arm, and began to think of how to pass this treacherous obstacle. Few ideas came, but all of them were shot down the moment they did. One idea finally surfaced above the others.

“It’ll have to work.”

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

It had been a peaceful day for Suicune. She had finally been able to get away from her siblings (who must have been near some Pokenip a few hours earlier, seeing as they were awfully affectionate) to stroll around the forest at her leisure. Sure, there had been that one Trainer that had tried to capture her, but most humans tried that. She had merely flicked the thrown Great Ball away with one of her twin tails, stunning the Trainer enough to forget to call out a single Pokemon.

She was pulled from her thoughts when she entered the clearing. A tower of Zangoose…towered there, staggering in front of a small, Cut-able tree. She remembered with amusement how the Cat-Ferret Pokemon couldn’t learn Cut, and she smiled to herself as she crossed the clearing. The Pokemon inhabiting the area either paused in shock or fell to the ground at the sight of the beautiful legendary, though the Zangoose were unaware.

Said Zangoose were sitting upon each other’s shoulders in a tower formation, only a few left standing on the ground with the largest one barking orders. One Zangoose was beginning to climb the tower to take his place at the top.

“Climb, you infidel! Climb! You have arms and legs for a reason! Though I’m not quite sure why we have claws…” The tower waved slightly in response.

Humming contentedly, Suicune strolled past them, stopping right in front of the source of their problem. After finally noticing the legendary, the tower promptly collapsed, Zangoose raining all over the clearing. Zaon stared, like other Pokemon, in shock at the sight, but then frowned. “There’s no way a Suicune could Cut down the tree. What’s there to Cut with?” As if the Water-type had read his mind, Suicune’s left tail froze and turned a glowing white color. It rose up in the air, and slashed through the tree as if it were paper. Obstacle now out of the way, the tail resumed its normal color and Suicune passed through the destroyed branches.

Once again, the Zangoose that had managed to get up by then fell over, Zaon included.

Sudden realization dawned on him. Falling over tended to avert your gaze from what you were looking at.

Hastily jumping to his feet, he called, “Did anyone keep their eyes on the spot? The tree won’t reappear unless you look away from it!” Seeing the horrified looks on their faces, Zaon knew they had all looked away.

Wincing internally in advance, he slowly turned to where the tree had been, expecting the worst.

It stood there again, its presence taunting him.

Suicune, who was far away by that time, jumped from the intensity of the resulting yowl of anger.

------------------------------

FS got lazy toward the end.

-FS

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PostSubject: Re: No Cut For You   Tue Jun 30, 2009 4:57 pm

FS wrote:
“Insanity!”

“Madness!”

“Madness? THI-“ The currently-speaking Zangoose received a smack to the head.
XDDDD I laughed out loud here for at least 5 minutes, simply hillarious.

I remember this discussion, it still makes me wonder what the game designers were on when they invented Zangoose. XP

Pretty descriptive, really good, but I think you were going for laughs other than writing precision, which is perfectly fine Very Happy I enjoyed it a lot!

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PostSubject: Re: No Cut For You   Tue Jun 30, 2009 5:23 pm

I was just trying to get the point across while being funy at the same time. Seriously, with claws like that, it should know Cut. Er, well maybe not know, but be able to know...

Glad you liked that madness part though, I read over it again and thought it was kinda lame after a while. Glad I kept it, though.

~FS

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PostSubject: Re: No Cut For You   Wed Jul 01, 2009 3:07 am

Quote :
Except you, DD. =P
;___;

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PostSubject: Re: No Cut For You   Wed Jul 01, 2009 7:17 am

*has a long good laugh* That story was the best, FS! XD I laughed at nearly every paragraph. 'Specially the SPARTA bit. XD You've got a nack for good, clean comedy.

And for the record, it is pretty stupid that zigzagoon can't learn Cut. What makes it even more stupid is the fact that it can learn random moves like Surf and Shock Wave. >>;

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PostSubject: Re: No Cut For You   Wed Jul 01, 2009 10:02 am

xD Sorry, DD. *pats back* You know we love you anyway.

I just love making people laugh, so thank you very much, HK =3 (And Zigzagoon CAN learn Cut. I think you mean Zangoose xD - which can learn Shock Wave but not Surf. *has guide book right next to her for unknown reasons*)

-FS

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PostSubject: Re: No Cut For You   Tue Dec 22, 2009 5:52 pm

Ai liek dis.

Liek, ai liek dis aeh lawt.
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